I am two years beyond having written my last blog post about miscarriage and infant/pregnancy loss. In two years, I have seen friends and family members celebrate the discovery of pregnancy, suffer crushing loss through miscarriage, be excited and terrified for following pregnancies, welcome baby boys and baby girls to their families, watched their children grow on Facebook, been invited to baby shower after shower, and so it goes.

This is the reality of living with infertility: Life goes on. Whether you want it to or not -- whether you get left behind or not -- whether you're okay with it or not -- life just keeps marching on. And it's good. And hard. And unfair. And right.

Miscarriage has made me a different person than I was before. Obviously. Death and tragedy have a way of changing the way we approach living. If we don't change, if we don't grow, then trials carry no purpose, no hope, and can destroy us from within.

If you're new to my blog, then I suppose you would need to know that my husband and I have three children that we have lost to miscarriage. I don't get to love them here on earth, but I am no less a mother because of that small detail, and therefore, I must strive to be the best mother I can possibly be.

I get that that may sound ridiculous from the outside looking in -- How can one be a mother when they have no children to mother?  THAT is the million dollar question I've been asking myself since our last miscarriage three years ago. 

It occurred to me that I have a great many children in my life - nephews and nieces, neighbor's children, horseback riding students, Sunday School students, troubled teens and more. THEY are the answer to that question. THEY are gifts that I don't deserve.  THEY enable me to impact the world, though I could not impact my own children in this life. It is for THEM that I want to be the best reflection of God's love that any mother can be.  

I have found joy and hope in infertility, because, though it is painful and hard -- I admit that if my own children were here now, I might not be as willing or able to invest in all these other children's lives.  

If that for now is my purpose, then for all the children I am allowed to love, I want to be a mom that:

...listens.

...is available.

...they can rely on.

...has wisdom to share.

...allows them to be kids.

...prays with and for them.

...is a source of encouragement.

...they can have fun and be silly with.

...they know will always tell them the truth.

...can challenge their thinking and help them grow.

...showers them with love, grace, patience, and strength.

...infects them with a passion for the outdoors and Animals.

....encourages their hopes and dreams and believes they can reach them.

 

It's what mom's do.

 

If you, my friend are struggling with purpose through infertility or infant loss -- here it is: Keep going. Keep loving. Keep changing lives. It just might change the world.

In celebration of Sixth wedding anniversary (by the way, how did THAT happen??)  This post is for my absolutely phenomenal husband, who in spite of everything he deals with on a daily basis, is always my rock and my best friend. He is also one, of a very few people who understand the need I have to pun.  I have never doubted his, love, his commitment, or value of our marriage, and for that, I know I am blessed. Here's to the last six years, and many many more beyond!

 

My Dear Husband,

I looked it up online, and found out that the 6th Anniversary is considered the "Wood" anniversary.  That made no sense to me until I gave it some thought, and realized a great many things do in fact, confirm that 'wood' is a perfect theme for this date of celebration.

• I "wood"nt have wanted to go through the last six years with anyone but you.
• God really "nailed" it when He put us together.
• I could have waited forever, and a more perfect "match" for me NEVER "wood"ve come along.
• It's "plane" and simple... I'd be lost without you... literally.
• I probably "wood" have let the trials the last year has brought "chip" away at me and make me depressed... BUT
• With "Yew" by my side, I have found that I can face anything.
• Through the struggles and triumphs, I know that we will always be there to "root" for each other.
• Life with you means that I'm never "board".
• If we kept a "log"  I know that we'd see that we make each other stronger.
• With this latest adventure -- once we find a new home, we can "spruce" it up together. It will be our home, where the cat can lay in the sun, and the dog will have her own place to "bark". How could anyone "pine" for anything else?!
• For the next six years, and many many beyond, I "Wooden"t want anyone else by my side to "branch" out on new adventures with!

All that said,

I"m going to go out on a "limb" and say that without you, I'd be nothing.

You make me better.

You love me well.

And I don't know what I'd do without you.

You're my best friend. 

You're the best husband in the world, and I love you so very very much.

I'm "KNOT" kidding!

Happy anniversary!!!!

 

p.s. Photo credit to Shelley Paulson Photograpy 

There are a plethora of words in the english language that are used as descriptive words (They're called Adjectives... I know that because my Pop told me, and he never lies.)  These descriptive words, and sometimes phrases, are a great help when we are trying to draw an image in someone's mind of a certain person, place, or thing. I thought, that since Father's Day is upon us, I would try to do Pop and his Grammar policing ways proud, and see how many I could come up with to describe what an ideal Father's adjectives would be. So here goes:

When describing a father, you'd use words like:

Strong

Bold

Leader

Protective

Hardworking

Confident

Adventurous

Considerate

Trustworthy

Patient

Humble

Dependable

 

And so the list goes on...

 

Now, those things are all hugely important, and my Pop has all of those things for sure. However -- that list doesn't even touch the things that Pop has that make him a truly great human, father, leader, and friend. Things such as:

He posseses the ability to wear a suit and tie or beach pants with equal confidence and swagger. (He can also sport socks and sandals... and that takes guts my friends.)

He has an EPIC radio voice. (I kid you not... he was known as Quakemaster Barlow, on account of all the earthquakes that would occur when he was on air.)

He as Musical talent, including, but not limited to, the ability to play any instrument he picks up, being able to teach others how to play, he possesses a soulful and soothing singing voice, ability to write songs that range from ballads, to blues, to worship, and an ability to appreciate ALL genre's of music.

He may not enjoy the threat of natural disasters, but he has ALWAYS been the first one to roll up his sleeves to help clean up after a tornado, flood, or earthquake.

He possesses no shame when it comes to laughing and flatulence jokes. No. Shame.

He could write a book about having to turn the other cheek, but in it, he would never mention names, and would still be hoping and praying for the other person's good.

Dude has sported an afro perm AND a mullet in his lifetime - and rocked them both.

He has hidden drawing skills. He can draw pine trees so well, you can almost smell them.

He's the only one that I know that care wear both a duster and cowboy hat, or a Dickens cape and a top hat and look totally legit.

He adopted other people's children and loved them as much as his own blood.

He has a DEEP (I'm talking Pacific Ocean deep --Mariana Trench deep) love for all things Christmas. So much so that it's in all of our DNA.

He went back to school so he could put food on our table and have the qualifications to be a teacher. 

I'm sure when he's done reading this, he could sit down with his red pen and mark the page from top to bottom with all the mistakes I've made in punctuation and grammar (but not spelling... HA! spellcheck has my back on that one... where was THAT in high school!?) -- BUT he won't, because he loves me, and he's the one that taught me that sometimes it's okay to let people make mistakes.

 

If there were an award for most awkward 'smile for the camera' face, Pop would win, hands down. Which is weird... because he actually has a great smile.

He doesn't try to fix everything -- sometimes he just gives you a hug, and sits there with you in your hurt.

Speaking of hurt -- he may laugh when you walk into a mailbox for like, the 14th time... but only AFTER he makes sure you're okay. 

My Pop is the best.

 

I know I'm leaving out some vital descriptive terms, but I'm assuming at this point that you all have the idea of what, in my opinion, makes a really great Pop, Dad, Father, or whatever your title of choice is.

It strikes me that many men I know feel like they are failing as fathers... that less than perfect isn't good enough... well guess what? Maybe its the things that make you less than perfect that your kids will remember as their favorite things about you. It's the things that make you human, and it's the things that make you, you. Its probably okay to cut yourself some slack (*cough* Pop) , and accept that you're not perfect. Your kids don't expect you to be. They just love you because you're you.  Go ahead, high five yourself, it's hard work to be a Dad.

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Over the years that I've known my husband, he has spent a great deal of time getting to know my world. It's a world filled with horses, manure, vet visits, farriers, bruises, hay hauling, tack cleaning, and dirt. Not glamorous, but hey - I like it -- so that means Dana's in too.

That said, it was only fair that I spend an equal amount of time getting to know his world. And let me tell you -- it's a WAY (Seriously... waaaaay) more complicated world than my world is. He and the people he works with are heroes EVERY day. No pressure, right?

Now, if I asked you who the heroes in your town are, 99% of you would mention the wonderful Police officers and Firefighters that serve your communities -- and you would absolutely be right!  But there is another group of heroes that rarely get the acknowledgement that they deserve. To date, I have a very hard time finding any cool t-shirts, bumper stickers, fabric, plaques, figurines, paintings, or even awards that represent these guys well.

The group I'm talking about are the wonderful people that serve our communities through Emergency Medical Services (EMS).  

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When I first met Dana -- If I had any thoughts about EMS, they were these, HIGHLY uneducated thoughts:

~Definition of EMS = An ambulance that shows up to take me to the hospital where they will 'actually' take care of me.

~Basic, Advanced, Intermediate, Paramedic, Critical Care Medic... didn't mean anything.  An "EMT's" job is to pick me up and babysit me in the ambulance until we get to the hospital where the 'real' medical people are -- where I will finally 'be in good hands'.

To be honest, I didn't really think about EMS - and when I say "didn't really" I mean, like, at all. I had never had to call for them, and I didn't see commercials, or fliers for fundraisers, or newspaper articles about their heroics, so, in truth -- it never occurred to me that I might someday need them.

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What I knew about the amazing people in the world of EMS was so wrong, it's almost emarassing. The EMT's and Paramedics that I've met have proved themselves to be some of the most dedicated, selfless, compassionate people that I know. Lest you think I make them sound like a bunch of sissies, please know -- they also tend to be type A, take charge, 'I'm here to fix it so get out of the way' type people. And they have to be. They are, on a daily basis, exposed to the worst humanity has to offer:

Car accidents

Murder

Stabbings

Drug Overdoses

Seizures

Alcoholism

Strokes

Heart Attacks

Child Death

Drowning

All of this and more, and if they're lucky they're doing it on 2 hours of sleep, that meal they had (was it 14 hours ago...ish?), and a cup of coffee.

A slogan I once saw on a training center wall stated it well:  "Study for the day that you are all that stands between your patient and death."  

Yikes -- Last time I checked, if I mess up while training a horse, I'm probably going to wind up on a sore butt in the dirt; but no one else's life is on the line.

Our EMT's and Paramedics run towards emergencies with our firefighters and police officers. They run to people that may be a victim of someone else's bad decisions, or even people that are deserving of the situation that they're in. And the people in EMS treat their patients all the same -- to them -- every life is worth saving. 

They show up. Every time.

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They show up for someone who is pinned in a car after an accident, for someone who has had a stomach ache for 27 hours and waited until 2 am to call 9-1-1, for someone who fell off a ladder, someone who is deathly allergic to bees, or someone who's child has stopped breathing.

And the thanks they get?  

In many cases, grumbling and complaints from the public about the expense of ambulance services in their communities. (Look into it -- it's probably costing you more for garbage disposal every year than for the right to have EMS show up at your door when you need it the most.)

Pretty Average wages. (McDonald's employees? Ya'll might just want to sit down and be quiet now.)

Complicated Rules & Regulations at the National, State, and Local levels and poor reimbursement rates from Medicare and Medicaid that all but cripple their ability to effectively do their jobs.

Newspaper articles that frequently seem to miss the fact that EMS was at a scene, right alongside their fire and police counterparts.

A public that is ignorant of the months and years of training for the various levels that they've been through, to keep you alive--and who more commonly refer to them as 'ambulance drivers'. 

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And yet -- They show up.

Do they have a rather morbid sense of humor? Probably. Are they unsympathetic when you complain about your paper cut? Definitely.  Will they get distracted by flashing lights regardless of what city, state, or country they're in? Um, yes.  (Ahem... I'm not naming names... *cough* Dana.)

 

All that said... and in honor of National EMS week:

If you don't know anything about your local EMS agency, I encourage you... take an interest! Give them your support, your thanks, and your voice at public meetings. Learn the difference between Basic, Advanced, EMT, Paramedic, and Critical Care.  You would be hard pressed to find a group of people that are more willing to roll up their sleeves, get up in the middle of the night, or put themselves in harms way for your sake.

 

If you're an EMT or Medic of any level -- I want to say thank you. Thank you for your service, your dedication, your willingness to put our emergencies before your own needs. Thank you for being willing to go out and help in a blizzard, thunder storm, flood, or tornado. Thank you for the sleepless nights, missed meals, and aching feet. Thank you for risking your own safety for the sake of us and our loved ones. Thank you for the hours of training and refreshers you work through to stay on top of life saving techniques. Thanks for knowing the difference between Ketamine, Compazine, and Amiodarone. Most of all, Thank you for showing up.

You are our heroes.

 

Dear Mom,

I have tried several times in the past week to sit down and come up with words that describe how much you mean to me... but words never seem adequate. Seriously. How are you supposed to tell the most kind, loving, gracious, forgiving, long-suffering, inspiring person that you know how great they are, and how much they mean to you??

Since I was clearly going to fail in that venture, I decided that instead -- I would write down a list of some of the most important lessons that I've ever learned from you. Because after all, it's long been established that without your guiding hand, I would not be a nice--much less a socially acceptable--person. So here, for your enjoyment, is a small sampling of how your wisdom has impacted me:

 

1.When walking down isles of dishes or glassware in a store: Resist the urge to pick one of them up and smash it to the floor. Apparently that is wrong. Also, it creates a mess, and SOMEONE is going to have to clean that mess up.

 

2. When people make you  mad, kicking them in the shins is, I guess, not an appropriate response. (Potentially effective, but not appropriate.)

 

3. When you find 'abandoned' baby raccoons, it's probably not necessary to bring them home to try to care for and keep them as pets. After all, they bite, and might carry disease(s)... or so you said. The same goes for rabbits, snapping turtles, gophers, feral cats, ducks, and so on. (Or so you said...)

 

4. When playing out in a field, it might be beneficial to verify whether the mud you are playing in is, in fact, mud, and not manure. Because... well, that's gross.

 

5. When your brother teases you, pulling his arm or leg hair will probably not accomplish anything. (Though I still argue that it's extremely satisfying.) P.S. My husband has no idea how thankful he should be that you taught me this lesson.

 

6. No matter how 'uncool' it is, a helmet trumps a cowboy hat = Every. Time.  ... I'm still alive because of this particular lesson, so I suppose I should say thank you. SUBNOTE: It's also okay to sell the one horse you ever met that hated your guts. (I may also be alive because of this lesson.)

 

7. It's okay not to wear heels to an important event -- Especially when your lack of coordination in combination with those heels pose a risk to your ability to stay on your feet and off your face. Though you would also say that Cowboy boots are not always an acceptable substitution... a lesson I'm still not sure I can get behind.

 

8. Most importantly, when you find old oranges and lemons in your neighbor's (who may or may not be a drug dealer) back yard -- you do NOT -- under ANY circumstances play Little House on the Prairie and eat them with your friends!! Ever. 

 

Then there's the usual:

Stop, Drop, and Roll (Thankfully I've never had to use this one... yet.)

Look both ways before crossing the street (Apparently it's the BEFORE that is the important part of that sentence.)

Don't run with scissors (Bad things will happen - I should have listened.)

Don't take candy from strangers (I assume this ties in with number 8?)

 

And SOOOOO many more.

 

Thank you Mom for always being there. For loving me when I didn't deserve it. For always being my biggest fan. For saying NO, a lot. And for giving me an example of what I should aspire to as a wife, woman, and human being. You are my hero. 

I LOVE YOU.

~Logan

Sometimes you feel like you know what you're doing. You're confident, and feel like a boss.

...And then there's the other times. You know them -- the times when you have to eat a little humble pie and admit that maybe you don't know everything, AND admit that you may not, in fact, be perfect.

I am never a fan of those moments, but let me tell you -- every time I've stopped being stubborn and decided to swallow my pride, I have never once regretted it.  

I once had a relentless Grand Prix dressage instructor who did not care that my 1 hour lessons would always turn into a 2 hour and 18 minute muscle burning, emotion draining, sweat fest. Now, I knew how to ride... but that instructor knew I needed endurance and confidence... so she pushed me to my breaking point time and time again. And I survived. And I got better. And I gained confidence.

Most recently, I had to admit that as a photographer, I had settled into a 'comfortable' spot that I hadn't challenged myself out of in a long time... and I needed a push. Enter: Shelley Paulson.  Beautiful soul, a kindred spirit, and photographer extraodinaire.  I met Shelley for the first time 5 years ago when she documented our wedding day. The images that she gave us have been a continual blessing -- letting us relive our wedding day year after year, complete with each perfect detail, smile, and moment that she captured.

It might surprise you that I found Shelly and dubbed her to be the ONLY photographer that I was willing to consider having shoot our wedding day, based on one single image of a newborn foal standing in the dusty light of a dimly lit stall. That image told me all I needed to know: 

1. Girl had skillz.

2. She was my kind of people. She loved horses. We would be besties just because of that, I was sure.

3. She knew how to find light and use it like a Jedi uses a light saber.

Because of these things... when I was ready for the afore mentioned photographic 'push', Shelley was the one that I wanted it from. 

And push she did. It's not easy to hear someone critique your work. Let's be honest -- it's not easy to hear someone critique you at all! But, Shelly did so in a way that was both encouraging and instructive, humbling and constructive. She tore down a lot of the 'safety' walls I had built up and gave me permission and tools to set photography goals that would both excite and motivate me.

Not to make things easy -- we chose a frigid 18 degree day, to talk light, posing, and purpose. Our gorgeous model Audrey was so sweet and patient, and hid her shivers well. Her beautiful horse Delilah kept us entertained with her prancing and perky expressions.

Aren't they adorable?

 

 

How is it possible that she looks this perfect mid-winter?

 

The bond these two share is so sweet.

 

I am now looking forward to what the next year of photography will bring -- I'm ready for change, ready for a challenge, and ready to start seeing light in new ways.

You should definitely go check out Shelley's work! You WON'T be sorry. Promise!    http://www.shelleypaulson.com

You know the story...

Handsome Boy meets Beautiful Girl.

Beautiful Girl plays hard to get.

Handsome Boy fights to win Beautiful Girl's affection.

Girl decides she loves Handsome Boy.

They finally share a long awaited, romantic, perfect kiss.

Handsome Boy and Beautiful Girl have a Glamorous wedding.

And they live happily ever after.

The End.

Sounds too good to be true?  Well... that's because it is. 

Valentines day has come and gone, and all we are left with now is discount pink and red wrapped candy, opened cards, and wilting flowers.  Let it not be said, that I am against a holiday to celebrate the most important thing in life -- however, it does make me think about just how skewed our interpretation of love and marriage is.

I enjoy a good romantic comedy, or Disney fairytale as much as the rest... but the reality is... it's not reality.  Hollywood would love us to believe that every story has a happy ending, and that every problem has a neatly wrapped solution; every Princess has perfect hair, and somewhere out there her Prince Charming is falling all over himself to get to her.  Now, unless I'm missing something... the severe lack of forrest creatures that have showed up to help me with my housework seems like it might be a tip off that something in the Hollywood scenario is askew.

There are a few things, that happen behind the scenes that i have found to be more true than the 'perfect' that is portrayed on the silver screen. So I thought I'd share my thoughts on the '5 things Hollywood never told you about love and marriage':

1.  Marriage is HARD. Like, climbing Mount Everest in flip flops with a backpack full of angry monkeys hard. The days that it feels like a fairy tale are so few and far between, that you will be tested to see what you're made of. Are you going to quit when the going gets rough, or can you dig your heels in and fight for it?  When you've had the same argument umpteen times, and still can't resolve it, are you going to give up?  Can you deal with a less than perfect house? Are you going to be hostile when there isn't enough money? Are you going to be okay when you've gone 37 days without your husband telling you he thinks you're pretty? 

2.  Marriage is not 50%-50%. That's pretty much the BIGGEST. LIE. EVER.  It can never be less than each person giving 100%-100%.  You must be willing to give of yourself at all times, for any reason, whether you want to or not. You cannot wait for the other person to 'meet your needs' or serve you. You must always be willing to get your hands dirty, and be there for the other person. Period. You have to be all in.

3.  Marriage is Messy. You can take that any way you want it... but to me, it means many things: It means holding your partner's hair as you're pulled over on the side of the road and they are bent over with the flu. (Extreme example, but hey, I can be a witness on this one!)  It means being willing to deal with (sometimes HUGE) personality flaws or sins, without giving up or holding it against them.  It means commitment every day -- even on moving day when everyone is tired, dirty, and cranky from moving boxes. It may mean sitting in a hospital room waiting for test results. It means that you stand by someone when they are the worst version of themselves after a parent or friend dies, or when they lose their job. 

4.  Marriage is Risky. I'm not going to lie -- it can be terrifying. So much can go wrong -- You could lose them. They might hurt you. You might get insulted. You will get offended. You could lose a child, or financial stability, or your home. You will hurt when your partner hurts. You'll worry.  Loving someone means that a part of you has been given to another. You have to trust them with that piece of you... and guess what?  Like you, they are not perfect.  You will have days that you wonder what you signed up for, but... so will they.

5. Marriage is about CHANGE. (You should know I'm sitting here with my ears plugged because, I. HATE. CHANGE.)  Loving someone means that you will have to learn to adapt. You might have to get used to the toilet seat being up. You might have to get in the habit of picking up someone else's dirty laundry. You will have to learn to bite your tongue. You will have to learn ways of showing love when words aren't enough. You will have to learn to hear the meaning behind the words rather than focusing on the words themselves. You may have to give up things you enjoy, and lean to enjoy things you don't.  (I suppose sitting through an action movie or two is an okay trade for a Pride and Prejudice marathon.)

Now, I know that not all marriages are perfect. I know that horrible things like abuse and addiction often damage relationships and trust. And if you find yourself in that situation, I pray that you find peace, direction, and hope in knowing that even though the imperfect human you've chosen isn't able to love  you perfectly, God Himself does.

All of that said -- if you are willing to sign up for the adventure, marriage can be both the hardest and most rewarding thing you'll ever do.

If you ever get to the point of desperation or frustration with your chosen spouse... Take a minute to stop and remember - you made a promise to LOVE in all it's Hard, Messy, Risky, 100% committed, glory.  It might also help to remember that, if you're anything like me, you yourself are not always perfect -- or even enjoyable to be around, and the more you focus on your spouse's flaws, the less you are working on your own.

There is a quote that I've written over and over in my journals, and it challenges me in my relationship with my husband daily -- I'll leave you with that...

 

"Love is an action and Happiness is a choice. For better or worse."  

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres... Love never fails... And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1Corinthians 13:4-6,8,13

I have recently begun the process of changing the focus of my business from weddings and engagements back to where it all started... horses. Horses have been my passion since I was about 4 years old (when my Mom finally broke it to me that having a pet Elephant to ride just wasn't going to happen). 

Horses have always been a source of comfort, companionship, courage, and strength for me. Maybe it's their 'not so subtle' way of communicating that they are unhappy with something, maybe its their unconditional love, maybe its the fact that a 1,200 pound animal was willing to be my friend and let me be a part of their life... I don't know. But the majesty, goofiness, and just plain beauty of horses has always been something that I found both easy and a challenge to capture with my camera. And so, I decided, they were going to be the new focus (pun intended) of my photographic endeavors.

Enter Elise and Pranzo. Elise is a tall, outgoing, gorgeous, intelligent nut. She can take the most boring of stories and make it sound like and epic adventure that you're sorry you missed out on. Her exuberance is infectious and I'm proud to call her my friend. Her loyal steed Pranzo is her perfect equine other half. He has the impressive presence that every good Thoroughbred should have -- With stunning good looks, soft eyes, pricked ears, and an always willing to GO stride... seasoned well with a dash of spazz.

When I half jokingly suggested "I know. It would be a GREAT idea to dress you up in your wedding dress and have you climb aboard your strong, fast thoroughbred... and I'll be there to document his reaction!"  Elise, to my surprise, jumped up and down saying "Yes Yes!!"  while our faithful (instigator) side-kick Katie whispered "DO IT. DO IT." 

For better or for worse, the following was the result. We had a wonderful sunny day at a lovely farm in Madison, where Pranzo and Elise stunned us with their beauty, grace, and face making skills. Enjoy!

 

 

Pranzo loves his human. I think the feeling is mutual. :)

 

 

 

Horses are the best secret keepers.

 

A girl in her wedding dress, with her horse, in a golden field, in summertime. Disney -- take notes.

 

Soft hands with a powerful neck are a winning combination.

 

I love me some details. Especially when they involve stirrups and saddle girths.

 

A wedding dress, horse, red barn, queen anne's lace flowers, and sunset? I'm going to go ahead and say it was a PERFECT AFTERNOON.

 

 

 

 

Elise, would you go ONNN with your gorgeousness??

 

By this point, I think we had used up Pranzo's patience, and he was flat out of classy.

 

This is my absolute favorite horse/human portrait ever. Framed Perfectly? Check.  Good lighting? Check.  Gorgeous smile on a pretty girl? Check. Horse ears forward? Check and Check.   Horse sticking tongue out making a mockery of my photographic skills? Check and Double check.  Pranzo, you kill me.  #facepalm

After too long of a break -- it's time for a photography post!  

I was SO very very excited to do this photo session. The beautiful Mom of this family has been a dear friend of mine since childhood. We played barbies together, went sledding, fed calves, wrangled kittens,  drove her mom crazy as she tried to teach us to be still and learn how to sew, and spent a lot of time laughing with each other (and AT each other). We even went on an epic trail ride searching for an escaped bull with a horse that was terrified of cows... but that's a story for another day!

ANYWAY -- enough about the past. It's time to introduce you to Lena's present and future... I'd like to introduce you to the Kiel family.  Jim and Lena contacted me to ask if I was wiling to do a 10 year anniversary session with them and their four amazing children. Of course, I said YES!  The location they chose was perfect. It was the same place their love story started... on Lena's parents farm, under the same tree that they said their wedding vows. Hallmark moment? I think yes. The weatherman called for rain, wind, and thunderstorms... but we were blessed with sun, heat, and humidity instead!

Without further ado:

 

Can you hear the giggles? This family kept me laughing through the whole session.

 

 

 

 

 

Can I just say that toothless smiles are some of the very best?

 

I asked Claire what she liked to do the most. She didn't even have to think about it.  "I like to read." 

 

"Twu Wuv."

 

This shot was the kid's idea... I think I'm going to bring them along as assistants from now on.

 

 

 

Can I direct your attention to the young man second from the left? Priceless.

 

When Mile's smiles, his whole personality smiles.

 

This is Garin's 'No, I will not smile even though I've been a ham all day' face.

 

Happy Ten Year Anniversary Jim and Lena! All the best wishes for another decade and more! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As 2015 quickly slides from being today to tomorrow, I am feeling a bit restless.

I wonder, how many days to we get up, do our thing, and go to bed never thinking that today might be all we have?

2015 was a year of wonderful ups, and terrible downs, and a lot of middle-of-the-road days in between. There are definitely things I wish I could have done better... or at least differently. There are things I wish I had said... or hadn't said. There are things I wish I had made time for, and things I wasted time on. There were people I could have loved better, listened to more attentively, and served more. There were days that I spent in the saddle, and days that I watched the rain pour from the house. I made choices I regret, and choices I'm proud of.  Some things changed and some things stayed the same.

In all of this, I am realizing -- that is life. Each day we're given is precious. Each moment is a gift. I know that sounds cliche, but I feel like I need to brand those words into my soul. I need to love others at full capacity. I need to stop taking days for granted. I need to not let time pass without me noticing.

So, my friends, as you say goodbye to this year, and prepare for the next, my encouragement is this: SOAK. IT. UP. 

Love like you can't help it.

Forgive like your life depends on it.

Hope like you have no reason to doubt.

Serve others until you have blisters.

Speak the truth -- even when it hurts.

Dance.

Sing.

And no matter what this year brings, finish the race...

 

NEVER. GIVE. UP.

 

Jeremiah 29:11 

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

 

 

 

This post is the third in a series of Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Awareness. While I recognize that October (the official month of 'awareness') is long over... I was overwhelmed by the amazing responses that I received from other mothers who have experienced miscarriage or stillbirth, and was humbled that they suddenly trusted me with their stories, just because I opened up about my own struggles. Seems like there is a lesson to be learned there… something along the lines of:  Maybe if we were all a little more honest and open with each other about our imperfections, failures, fears, and struggles, there would be more room and opportunity for encouragement, for support, and for healing.  Just a thought…

 

All of this brings me to the point of this post. You may be sitting here as a friend, family member, or acquaintance of someone who is going through pregnancy or infant loss. It can be a very difficult position to be in.  It is my hope that you will find in this post the tools that you need to be able to talk to and support a friend that is going through this in a way that will bring healing, and not more hurt.

 

If miscarriage has taught me anything, it’s that you can never, never, truly understand what someone is going through, unless you've walked in their shoes. By that, I do not mean, you both wear the same style of sneakers in your own sizes...but you have worn the exact pair they have on their feet, with the same worn laces, the same balding tread, and the same pebble stuck in the insole.  It is one thing to be sympathetic, and it is a completely different thing to have the true understanding of the depths of pain someone is going through, because you yourself have walked the same rocky road, in the same worn shoes.

 

That must first be understood before you should ever try to offer advice or opinions to someone who is hurting.

 

I asked some of the women I know who have been through miscarriage or infant loss to share the things that they remember as the most helpful and comforting gestures when they were struggling the most, as well as the most stunning and hurtful things that were offered. The stories they gave me had many similarities…

 

Human nature is an unfortunately predictable thing. When we are confronted with an awkward situation, we have one of a small pool of responses that we tend to default to.  I have summarized those below.  Can you find yourself in the list?

 

1. The Freezer. Say nothing, do nothing. Maybe it will go away. Probably avoid all contact with the sufferer to avoid awkwardness.

2. The Over Sympathizer: This person is SO emotional that the person who is truly suffering often has to take the role of comforting the "comforter".

3. The Belittler: It didn’t affect you, so it couldn’t really have been that bad, right?  Move on already.

4. The Blurter: This person just spits out whatever pops into their head.  Usually consists of absurdly ignorant, accidentally hurtful, and/or painfully insensitive words of "encouragement".

5. The Fixer: This person tries to help solve the mystery of what went wrong, usually by asking hurtful questions like “Is there something you could have done differently?”

 

Here are some of the collected quotes of real things that were said to me or other grieving moms in the guise of someone being ‘helpful’. 

 

THE MEDICAL RESPONSES:

• It was just a clump of cells anyway.
• There must have been something wrong with it.
• Maybe it had Downs Syndrome. (or ‘fill in the blank’ disability)
• God must have known you couldn't handle whatever was wrong with it.
• Better that you lose it now...before you got attached to it.

 

THE 'I KNOW THE FUTURE' RESPONSES:

• You must have better children waiting for you.
• God has a plan that didn't involve that child.
• You're young. You have plenty of time to have children.
• Don't worry. You'll get pregnant again.

 

THE COLD RESPONSES:

• Maybe you just weren't ready.
• Your life will be easier without a baby anyway.
• You should just be happy you already have other children.
• At least you don't have to deal with stretch marks.
• When are you going to stop being sad about it - isn't it time to move on?
• You're lucky. You won't miss out on all the sleep from having a newborn.
• Maybe you're being punished for some sin you committed.

 

THE HAUNTING QUESTIONS (as if we weren't already beating ourselves to death with these):

• Was it something you did?
• Was it something you ate?
• Was there something you could have done differently?
• How do you prevent it from happening...again?

 

Now, I know that most people were well intentioned, and trying to help. I know that for most of them, their heart is to see you 'not be sad' anymore.  But the reality is, as with any death, there is – there has to be – a time for grieving. You have to allow a person to deal with the loss without trying to fix it, without trying to make it better, or make it go away.

 

So what can you do?

• Be available, and make sure she knows she can call on you.
• Take her meals – not having to think about making food in the middle of grieving the death of a child would be a welcome relief.
• Let her hurt. Let her be messy. Let her cry.
• Send notes that say: “I love you.” “I’m so sorry.”  “You’re in our thoughts and prayers.”
• Give her a hug when you see her. Don’t say anything. Just hug.
• Let her come to you, and be ready to LISTEN.
• Don’t expect or pressure her to ‘get over it’.
• Remember her on Mother’s day.
• Be sensitive when you or someone else announces their pregnancy.
• Be understanding if she chooses to send a card rather than attend a baby shower.
• Don’t complain about your own pregnancy aches and pains to her… she would give anything to feel every ache and pain just to have her baby in her arms.

The reality is, there is no perfect response that will make everything okay again. And that's okay. Terrible things happen, and life goes on. What you say in the moment, you will most likely forget by the next day... just try to make sure that you haven't said something that will stick with someone for the rest of their life.

A wise man said:  "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." (Luke 6:31)

Be patient. Listen. Show grace and love. That's all that anyone could hope for in a friend.

 

Memorial for the Unborn Child ​ - Martin Hudáček

 

 "Motherhood after Miscarriage" ... it's a phrase that in one moment makes no sense, and in another moment, it makes all the sense in the world.  

Motherhood after miscarriage is an interesting thing. Most of the world will not look at you as a Mom - they see your childfree life, and are inclined to think you have it easy. Or they may make statements like "When you have kids you'll understand".   And that is one of the most crushing comments that can be made. It is a painful reminder that for those dealing with infertility or loss of a child, Motherhood has left us with empty arms.

One of the things that people never seem to understand when they hear that I've had multiple miscarriages, is that, whether or not you ever saw my babies -- they were there. They were real. I knew them, and they changed me. They wore me out, what with all the growing he or she was doing inside of me. They made me change how I did life. They decided what foods I could or could not eat (or smell!). They determined when I couldn't wear my favorite jeans anymore. No one else ever met them -- but I did. Though I never got to give them names, or hold them, or post their photos on Facebook, they were real, they were human, and they were mine.

Motherhood after miscarriage causes you to have to constantly choose joy. Because if you don't choose it, the sadness moves in and sets up camp. I once heard it said that "The pain never goes away, you just make room for it."  And while I would gladly tell you that life goes on and healing takes place, I would also be lying if I did not say that everything 'baby' didn't feel like a reminder of our loss.  

The crib we picked out so carefully is now collecting dust in the attic.

Baby Showers, though we share the joy in your celebration, are incredibly painful.

Watching your husband hold someone else's baby makes you wish you could give him one of his own.

The Pregnancy clothes hanging in our closet are a painful reminder of the short lives of our little ones.

It's a struggle to find compassion for pregnant women who are complaining about how miserable they are being pregnant.

The stuffed animals that once looked so snuggly and happy are now packed away together in a box so that we don't have to look at them.

Every joyful pregnancy announcement from your friends causes a surge of emotion that ranges from happiness and excitement, to jealousy and anger, to tears and quiet acceptance, and back to joy for them...

Then comes Mother's Day. You pray that people will leave you alone so you don't cry and make them uncomfortable, and at the same time, you're desperate that they remember that you're a Mom too. 

Simple questions like: "So when are you going to have kids?"  cause an internal panic that you can't understand unless you've been there. In an instant, we have to decide if it's better to tell you we already have three children that we have lost to miscarriage, or to just smile and say "I don't know." And then we have to brace for whatever awkward statements that will be blurted out in response whichever answer we choose. (more on that next week...)

And don't even get me started on the Facebook April Fools "I'm pregnant!" jokes...

 

​None of this should be taken as an invitation for pitty or sorrow -- rather as observations of reality. We are well acquainted with the grieving and permanent change that the loss of a parent or a spouse causes. So why are the pains of losing your unborn, stillborn, or infant child swept under the rug? Those little people are every bit as real as the newborns that come home from the hospital swaddled and happy.  Even with empty arms, you are a Mom, and it's okay to own it.

My husband would tell you that I am an eternal pessimist.  I tell him that I just have the gift of being able to point out EVERY. SINGLE. Worst case scenario.  And boy, Is that easy to do when the subject of pregnancy comes up. But through our infertility journey, I have begun to see that even in the trials there are things that I can be thankful for.  

As a Mom, I am thankful. Thankful that the first face my baby got to see was the face of Jesus. I am thankful that my babies never had to experience pain, sadness, scrapes, or bruises. I am thankful that, for however short a time, I got to be a part of a miracle. 

​I am thankful for the incredible bond, closeness, and openness that this trial has created between my dear husband and I.

I am so very thankful that through the entire process of grief, anger, shaking my fist, numbness, and the slow return to healing and hope, that God never left my side. I was never alone, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am loved by my heavenly Father, the ultimate source of comfort.

I am thankful that through this experience, I have met some amazing women who have been willing to share in the pain of child loss. I am thankful for their willingness to share their experiences, struggles, fears, hopes, and dreams. They are an encouragement and an inspiration.

I am thankful that God has allowed me to be a part of the lives of other couple's children. Their wonder for the world never seemed all that important to me before... but I am now constantly amazed by their intelligence, their uncomplicated way of looking at life, and their honesty. They may not be mine, but they are equally as precious, and I am honored to know each and every one of them. 

The reality is that not one day of any of our lives are guaranteed. I don't know what day will be my last. I don't know if God has a plan for me to have children, or to just have the privilege of loving on everyone else's kids. But I do know that I have today. And I want to spend today being grateful, full of compassion, full of joy, and looking towards the future with hope.

To all of you Moms out there who have never met your children, or who have yet to get pregnant, or who have only been allowed to hold your babies for a short time... I salute your bravery. You are a Mom. Living life and motherhood in your own silent way -- and you are moving forward.

Though none of us would have chosen this team, I'm proud to be on it with you.

 

 

This is our thank you card photo that I had printed within six weeks of our wedding. It was designed at a time of great excitement and joy. We had been married for just over a month when we got some great news! We were pregnant!  We were amazed--both thrilled and a little anxious--at the speed at which God had decided to add to our family, but nonetheless, thankful. I printed these cards, and through the Christmas season spent time addressing each envelope and writing notes to all of the wonderful family and friends that had been a part of our wedding. Part of each note included the exciting news that we would be welcoming our new little Sechler in the coming summer. I held off sending the cards as we wanted to surprise our families on Christmas morning with the wonderful news -- which we did! They were ecstatic! My sister-in-law broke everyone's eardrums with happy squeals, and hugs and tears went around the room. I didn't think I could be happier... or, for that matter, sicker.

Morning sickness had been an all day exhausting affair for me. I couldn't sit still for 5 minutes without either needing to run to the bathroom or falling asleep.  I tried not to take it personally, but I was starting to wonder if the little one inside of me had already decided he or she didn't like me. Nonetheless, I was excited. I began making lists and lists of baby names, my mom and I went and bought my first set of maternity clothes for my already expanding body, and I ate all of the banana peppers I could possibly get my hands on. (I'm talking JARS of peppers here folks.)

And then one morning I woke up, and didn't feel sick or tired. Not at all. I have never felt so much relief and panic at the same time.  I was thankful to not be so nauseous, and at the same time, it didn't seem right. I had gotten so accustomed to the exhaustion and nausea, that it felt like something was wrong without it, so I made a doctors appointment.  We were already at 12 weeks, so the doctor got me right in, and set us up for an ultrasound.  I was thrilled! We would be able to hear our baby's heartbeat, and see our little nugget.

They set us up in a dark little room, complete with a cute little baby footprint border around the ceiling. I settled in with Dana's hand in mine, as we waited for the nurse to finish setting up the machine and let us see our baby. It felt like an eternity as as she scanned, clicked computer keys and squinted her eyes at her monitor. Suddenly the dark screen light up, and there was our little peanut. I smiled and looked at my husband...but he was not smiling. The look of concern in his eyes is one I will never forget.  I looked back to the screen, and realized that in my excitement I had not noticed that something was missing. A heartbeat. There was no flicker on the screen. I listened with all my might, and only heard a deafening silence. We waited for minutes that seemed like hours, and the nurse quietly shut the machine off and excused herself.

We were then shuffled into another room where yet another nurse met with us and coldly said: "I'm sorry. Your fetus is not viable."

That was it. 

It was over.

And in that moment the silence was crushing, I couldn't breathe. I wanted out -- I wanted to scream and cry and push the nurse off her chair. All the hate I had ever felt wanted to come out on the insensitive cold nurse. I wanted to shake her and make her understand that she had just told me that my child had died. That the baby growing inside my body had died. That my body was a failure. That I was a failure. And that I had failed my BABY. The precious, living, little person with a soul had died inside of me. I couldn't understand how she could be so unfeeling as to talk about my baby like it had been a nobody, a nothing.

But I couldn't say anything. It was if I had forgotten how to do anything but feel numb.

They sent us home to wait...and wait...and then the miscarriage came. I wish I had known what to expect. I wish I had known that I would still have to go through labor. But instead of going through that painful process for the reward of a pink little bundle of joy at the end, I went through it to wind up with empty arms.

The next several weeks and months were littered with nightmares, doctors appointments, and a whole lot of crying over broken eggshells. And when the grieving process finally started to subside, and we were ready to try again...

Miscarriage happened again...

And again...

 

So those thank you cards are still sitting on a shelf in my office. And I can't bring myself to look at them, much less empty each envelope and start over.

 

I have been trying to start this series for almost a year now, and it just never seems like the right time to publish it, or the words don't ever feel like enough, or I've just been scared.  However, October is Infant and Pregnancy Loss awareness month, and this is a subject that so many people experience and very few talk about.  I want to be a part of changing that.

It is a subject that makes people uncomfortable, and so I have hesitated. 

Firstly, I have felt cautious, because anyone who has experienced the loss of a child deals with their grief in different ways -- my experience may or may not be anything like someone who has experienced stillbirth, or SIDS, and I don't ever want another mother to feel like I am comparing my grief to hers.

Second, people are quick to judge and quicker to speak. The comments and opinions of people who have not experienced the loss of a child can be cutting and almost crippling, and it's hard to open yourself up, knowing what is almost sure to follow.

But...as my husband is always encouraging me: There is a purpose in everything, and sitting in silence does nothing for anybody. So with that as a preface, this begins a few consecutive blog posts about what our experience has been. It is my hope that sharing our struggles will reassure those of you who have gone through it that you are not alone, and hopefully give some constructive wisdom to those of you who have the opportunity to support someone who has experienced the loss of a child.

Through each post, the underlying message that I hope you will hear is:  God is good and you're not alone. The experience of recurring miscarriage is a difficult road, and one that I would never have chosen for myself. But it has made me more sensitive to people who are struggling. It has made me understand that until you have been through a specific situation, you can never really understand the depth of emotion or pain someone is going through. It has taught me to support others wherever possible with words of encouragement and hope. It has taught me to just be there, and not try to fix other people's problems. But most importantly, it has brought my husband and I closer that I ever dreamed possible, and forced me to rely on Jesus in ways that I never would have without the loss of our children. I miss all 3 of them, and can't help but wonder what they would be like today at 2, 3, and 4 years old. And though I grieve not being able to watch them learn to walk and talk here, I am thankful that they are already playing in the streets of heaven and that I will get to join them someday.

Loss happens. Grief hurts. But it's not the end.

Dear Dana,

Today I've been married to my best friend for a whole hand of years.  

You have been the most dedicated friend.

You are the most encouraging partner in crime and obstacles.

You have heart for others, and it makes me want to love better.

You are best butt kicker in a loving 'Sorry, not sorry' kind of way.

You have unwavering faith in the Lord, and it challenges me to grow.

You have the most compassionate shoulder... thanks for letting me be me.

You are a leader, and I would follow you anywhere. Thanks for making that part easy.

You  are strong enough to let me lean on you, even when you need to do some leaning yourself. 

You have stuck by me through the hardest times in our lives - through miscarriage, losing parents, and more.

You challenge me to think outside the box. Way, WAY outside the box. Like, sometimes I think you forget there is a box.

 

There is so much more... You are many things to me, and I always feel like I fall short when I try to tell you how much I love and need you. But for today, let's just say that you are all I want all I need, and I am thankful for each and every sunrise and sunset that we get to spend together.

5 years of marriage = a full hand of numbers = Let's High five everyone today. (It'll be another inside joke that no one gets -- those are my favorite)

 

 

Three years ago today - September 26, 2012.  Do you remember what you were doing? I don't. But for the Abedini family -- it's a day they won't forget. They can't. It was the day Saeed Abedini, was arrested, beaten, and imprisoned by the Iranian government for encouraging other Christians and caring for the poor and needy. He was sentenced to death -- the punishment demanded by Sharia Law -- for converting from Islam to Christianity and leading others to belief in Christ.

A couple of years ago Dana and I went to the Holocaust museum in Washington DC. It was a difficult, heavy, sorrowful thing to experience. But the impact it had on me was perspective altering. There is real evil in the world. Real evil that takes lives, steals hope, and kills futures. It made me realize that here in America, we're all pretty sheltered. We live in our little houses, content with our little lives, sitting behind our little computer screens throwing darts back and forth about why our opinions about the world's problems are the only opinions that are RIGHT.  All the while, in the rest of the world, people are having their homes burned, their churches raided, their children kidnapped. They're being imprisoned, murdered, and tortured. 

The hardest part of the Holocaust museum was seeing that, while Hitler was trying to kill every Jew, Gypsy, gay, dark skinned, handicapped person that he could, the world sat by and did NOTHING. I was angered. Knowing that if they had just chosen to stand together -- if they had just said "NO. Not on our watch." If they had just done SOMETHING... maybe lives would have been saved.

And as I sit here, knowing that Saeed is still in prison, other Americans are being held without cause, knowing that there are Christians being persecuted and killed in North Korea and Iraq, knowing that the civil war is destroying Syria and it's people... I realize that WE are that Generation. We are allowing it to happen... Again.  We are the ones sitting by, and not saying anything because 'we don't know what to say', or 'we don't want to offend anyone'. 

I know this post is heavy -- and it should be. It should move us to our knees in prayer for those that are suffering and persecuted, and in prayer for those blinded by evil - both here in our own states and throughout the world. It should motivate us to be givers of love, grace, and patience, as well as spur us to action -- we MUST stand unwaveringly for truth, for morals, and for the protection of those who have none.  And it should move ALL of us, no matter what your background, to worry just a little less about ourselves and a a whole lot more about others.

After all... there are more important things than a lion in Africa.

There are few things that feed my soul more than spending time with horses.  As much as I'd love to have you all believe that every photo I take is award worthy and amazing, I am growing to realize the truth of the quote:  "The best camera is the one you have with you."  That being said -- I will attempt to put aside the desire for perfection and begin sharing some of my favorite weekly sawdust and horsehair covered iPhone photos.

One of the greatest joys of owning horses is that I can brainwash...er uh... share my love of them with my nephews. It's one thing to know each of my horses and develop a bond with them, but it's completely new experience to see the horses through the eyes of my nephews. To me, the horses are my friends, they're my chores, they're my responsibility, and they are my passion.  

But to my nephews... the horses are magical creatures. They turn boys into cowboys. They make a child that barely comes up to my hip, sit as tall as a king. They tell the boys things - things like which one of them is their favorite, which one will be the fastest and the strongest, and who looks best in their helmet and rubber boots. They turn little boys who hate cleaning up their hotwheel cars into boys who fight over who gets the manure shovel first. 

And that my friends, is PURE MAGIC.

 

He may be less than three feet tall, but when he's on 'his' horse, he's a giant.

 

If you only knew how much this pony hates hugs... you would understand just how heartwarming this photo is. Friendship at its finest.

 

There are some smiles that only horses can create. Based on that smile and Sonny's ears... I'd say they're telling each other secrets.

 

For today's post, I have something a little different in store.  For those that only know me through my photography, you may not know that I am at my core a Horse Enthusiast. I could call myself an Equestrian and not be far off... but since I have a 'deep seated' love (Its a PUN! Get it? lol!)  for the western saddle... I feel like Equestrian might be a little 'bit'  (Another pun!) too English. 

That being said-- any and all projects that have something to do with horses are my Jam. So, when I was asked by my veterinarian to work with his Equine clinic, to produce images for their new website and upcoming advertising, I was all over it!

Irongate Equine Clinic is, in their words: "...a group of compassionate, experienced veterinarians and support staff committed to providing state of the art care while maintaining enduring, personal relationships with our clients and equine patients. Our mission is to keep your horses happy, healthy, and high-performing."

I couldn't agree more. To further define them, in my own words, they are the best Equine veterinarians around.  Having a small herd of my own, it is SOOO important to have a Vet that we can trust -- not just to show up, but to show up with an attitude of compassion and concern, never in a hurry, always willing to listen, ready to do whatever necessary to help my horses back to comfort, and put my mind at ease.  Irongate Equine Clinic, and the Veterinarians that work there, have always done each and every one of those things.

If you're in the Madison area (or nearby-ish) and have horses, check them out! 

http://irongateequine.com

https://www.facebook.com/IrongateEquine?fref=ts

 

For someone who is by nature shy, I have always been grateful for the smiles and friendliness of everyone at Irongate.

 

Early morning prep for gelding a colt.

 

 

I'm told this is called Endoscopy. It's pretty amazing technology. They use a small fiber optic camera to view a horse's problem area to identify abnormalities.

 

Conferring with a colleague.  Lameness checks and purchase exams are a standard part of business.

 

Irongate stresses the importance of preventative care and maintenance, including vaccines and deworming. My horses would argue that they don't want it...but I tell them the vet is always right.

Dr. Howard Ketover, DVM, performing a Purchase Examination.

 

Dr. Lisa Nesson, DVM, providing dental care.

 

Dr. Pat Griffin, DVM, PhD, DACT, assessing a recent collection from a stallion. Dr. Griffin specializes in equine reproductive services.

 

Taking images to get a better look at what is going on inside.

 

Did I mention that Irongate's office and assisting staff are incredible?  They are always ready with a smile and helpful attitude. Seated Left to right are: Receptionist and Assistant Audi Nett, Office Manager Kelly Danner, and Rita Tigert,  CVT.

 

What would a vet clinic be without a mascot?

 

Irongate Equine Clinic -- thank you for all that you do for the health and well being of our horses!  I would love to say that I'll never get you out of bed at 3AM again, but let's be honest... that's probably not realistic.

 

What do a cold, blustery day, epic-ly late hairdressers, handmade dresses and tuxedos, and the BIGGEST smiles you’ve ever seen all have in common???   A wedding day of course!  But not just any old run-of-the-mill wedding day.  It was finally the day of promises, vows, and celebrations for Jacob and Esther -- a young couple who are as devoted to the Lord as they are to each other.

I suspected that it was going to be a whirlwind of excitement and joy – and it did not disappoint!  From the moment Esther arrived at the church to the last goodbyes that evening, her smile never left her face. The only smile that compared was that of her adoring groom, whose loving gaze and contented calm betrayed his deep love for his new little wife.

Surrounded by dozens (and dozens!) of loving family members and friends, Jacob and Esther made their vows to love and cherish each other for the rest of their lives.  Something I suspect will not be a chore for either of them.  ;)

Jacob and Esther – It was an incredible joy to be a party of your wedding day. I look forward to watching your story be written (and seeing how many children God gives your already budding family!  :-D ).  I am confident that your marriage is one that will last through the ups and downs, and pray that your love for each other will grow with each passing year.

 

 

 

So.... Did I mention that Esther MADE her wedding dress??? When I asked her about it, she said "Blood, sweat, and tears I tell ya!". Lol - Also talent. She forgot to mention talent. 

 

 

 

Couldn't be a more appropriate verse for preparing for the rest of your life.

 

Contagious excitement -- dare you not to smile.

 

 

 

Couldn't be a better group of sisters. The love these ladies have for each other is awesome.

 

Jacob has got some rather impressive skills as well.

 

 

 

 

 

A quiet moment of prayer for the soon to be bride and her future husband.

 

 

 

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I don't know why I love ceremony hand holding so much, but if you've been following my blog for long, you know this is a 'must have' shot for me. Maybe it's because you can't make a lifetime vow to someone without being able to hold their hand and look them in the eyes. It's about forever.

 

First, first kisses are amazing. I tip my hat to you both.

 

Now might be a good time to mention that Esther also made her handsome groom's tux. I know. With the talent.

 

If you could bottle their love, the world would never run out.

 

 

 

 

 

I love me some family members who are as excited as the bride and groom.

 

We stole a few quiet moments away for some Husband and Wife portraits at Devil's River Campground in Maribel. They couldn't have picked a more beautiful spot.

 

 

 

Oh the personalities in this photo!  They're going to have some mischievous children!

 

This photo is a personal favorite of mine. The light. The couple. The smell of fall leaves. SWOON.

 

 

 

The reception was held at the Lakehaven Hall in Kewaunee. It bumps right up against Lake Michigan and was a beautiful venue!

 

 

 

 

 

All the little details really pulled things together.

 

 

 

 

 

Did you ever meet a couple that was so cute, that you just wanted to pinch their cheeks?  No? Oh.  Ok, Me either.

 

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Never was there a more dapper looking group of men...

 

...or a more beautiful group of sisters.

 

Esther's sister had put together a slideshow of Jacob and Esther's history together. It was fun to see how they've been perfect for each other all along.

 

 

 

Father Daughter dances are always sweet, but when the groom looks on and applauds... perfection.

 

 

 

And they lived Happily Ever After...

 

If I had a dollar for every time that I sat down to create this blog post, and a penny for every time I started to write... I would be posting this from the Bahamas.

For some reason, this post was hard. Maybe it was because it was the last time Dana's family was together, before both of his parents passed away.  Maybe it was because every time I tried to narrow down the photos, I felt like I was leaving out an important part of the story.  Whatever it was -- this wedding was like no other, and it's about time that I share it with you.

 

You know, everyone wants a fairy tale affair. Perfection. Tidy prettyness all rolled up into a magazine worthy day. But let's be honest... that's not usually attainable. And when it is... don't you feel like something might be missing?  Kind of like a house that is spotless and perfect, but feels empty -- like nobody lives in it or loves it.

 

Well, that could NOT be said for this wedding as it was an adventure that was fought for from start to finish!  There were so many things that could have ruined the day:  multiple date changes, torrential rains, washed out roads, flesh eating bugs, wedding dress drama, sick family members... I could go on. But in each moment, friends and family pulled together, rolled their sleeves up, and took every challenge head on. It was awesome to watch.

 

Let me tell you, if any bride ever deserved to go Bridezilla... it was Hannah! Instead, both she and Cody stayed focused on each other and the purpose behind all the drama. I honestly don't think it would have mattered if all the plans had fallen apart and we'd have had to head to the courthouse... as long as they were married by the end of the day, that was all that mattered to them. And that attitude my friends, is something to admire.

 

Cody and Hannah -- Thank you for letting us be a part of your story. I pray that the future God has for you includes many years of loving each other, laughing together, snake hunts, dog adoptions, and as much joy as you can take!  (...And I can hardly believe that I'm saying this already but... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!)

 

 

 

Hannah's little sister saved up all her allowance money and bought this beautiful headband for her to wear on her wedding day.

 

 

 

 

 

I can still hear the cicadas!

 

 

 

 

Family Heirlooms are amazing to me. They are priceless little treasures that hold history and stories. 

 

 

Cody and Pete... there's never been a prouder grandpa.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ALL. TIME. FAVORITE. FAMILY. PORTRAIT.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is what true love looks like.

 

Take note:  This is how every groom should be feeling at the end of their wedding day.

 

 

Hey you! Yes you, with the mouse in your hand... or the smartphone, or the iPad, or... whatever.. 

 I've decided that i's time to get to know you a little better, and I figure the best way to do that, is to let you get to know me a little better.  

I want this blog to be one that you can come to time and time again for Encouragement, Enjoyment, and Inspiration. 

That being said, what you can expect to find here in the future, are regular posts that give you a peek into the every day life of the faces behind Sechler Photography. You'll get embarrassing stories and personal musings.  I will introduce you to the seven equine kids that make up our herd (as well as all the other furry and feathered friends that are part of our lives). And you will see many many photographs, both from my professional endeavors, as well as private, just for fun, projects. Most excitingly -- when you register with my website, you will receive all future posts directly in your inbox, as well as being eligible to enter in upcoming contests and giveaways!

I am excited to have you join me on this 'Behind the Scenes' adventure and I look forward to getting to know you as you follow, like, comment, and subscribe!

 

I may be biased... wait. Let's tell the truth. Yep. I am biased.

This group of people are hands down some of my favorite people to photograph.

It might be because I've known the dad since the day I was born. It might be because his wife has a laugh and squeal that forces you to laugh with her. It might be because I've watched the three little boys grow from newborns to young men - WAY too quickly. Whatever it is, I love photographing my brother's family, because they are always who they are. No stiff smiles, no demand to have a 'serious' portrait. And it makes a difference -- though the photos may not turn out technically perfect, they are an exact capture of who each one of them is on the day the photos were taken. And that's what photos are supposed to be, right? Frozen memories?

The boys amaze me every time I'm with them... maybe it's because I don't have to live with them, but everything they do is in one way or another fascinating to me.

The oldest is smart and compassionate -- he watches out for his brothers in a way that only a big brother could. Sometimes that means that he guides them away from danger, and other times it means he yells "come on men!" and leads the way into adventure... and often, trouble.  :-)

The middle child is, well, a middle child. He is a blur of energy and full of strength. He looks for things to climb and conquer... and doesn't let anything stop him.  He is full of determination and already a hard worker. They don't make mountains big enough to intimidate this kid.

The youngest is a thinker. He is observant and curious. He wants to know how and why things work and asks questions constantly.  Though he often deserves the title 'baby' of the family, he is very sensitive and loving and will be the first one to offer a hug if he thinks you need it.

This is the first family session I've been able to post in a long time. I love the challenge that comes with working with a bunch of different ages all at the once.
The Browns are like an extension of my family... Vanessa and I have known each other since we were little girls, so when she asked me if I would be willing to do a shoot with her adorable growing family, I was very excited!

I've been trying to think of words to describe this family, and all I could think of was that old nursery rhyme:

"Snips and Snails and puppy dog tails, that's what little boys are made of."

Cute...but there's so much more! It should read:

 "And energy and laughter, and climbing and feet pitter patter, that's what little boys are made of!"

These little guys kept us on our toes! In spite of that, I had the "brilliant" idea of raking up a pile of leaves, to have something 'fun' that the boys could play in at the END of our shoot. The photographer in me saw so much potential for amazing pictures. But the little boy in the little boys saw SO much more! *cue giggles, screams, and leaf diving here*

Note to self... there will be no raking of leaf piles until AFTER we get the rest of the shots needed. K? Ok.

Thankfully we had hills and trees to climb, lots of room to run, and more smiles than I knew what to do with.  Soak up the cuteness folks...

Jake and Vanessa:  Thanks for being real, and for letting us capture the personalities, laughs, tears, and moments as they came. I look forward to watching your family grow. Hats off to both of you for loving your boys little hearts day in and day out.





Can we please just talk about the Epic faces of middle children everywhere?



Epic faces seem to run in this family...


Probably one of my favorite family portraits to date.






So much Sass!!!




















Okay I lied -- THIS is my favorite portrait to date.


















The last shot of the day... In my head? It was a beautiful family shot with fluttering leaves... In reality?  I learned that leaves taste like dirt. Wet dirt to be specific.  ;-)

Guys. These two.

So, you know that couple that you meet every great once and a while that just loves each other so much it's adorable, and sickening, and the most beautiful thing you've ever seen, all at the same time?
Yup. There're that couple.

Esther and I have been friends for a good long time now, and have had many talks about the teasing she's gotten from friends and family for not having yet found a guy and gotten married already, at the ripe old age of what? 24? Now before you go getting all judgmental, I should clarify that one should never think that no one was ever interested. There were certainly times that she had to beat the suitors off with a stick, or a camera, or...well whatever it took (much to her family's chagrin). But she was holding out for that one perfect guy that would sweep her off her feet.
Now let me tell you -- that boy was going to have to be special. Also brave. Because those well meaning family members and friends, no matter how much they wanted to see this girl married, weren't going to put up with anyone that was less than perfection for Esther.

Enter Jacob.  The perfect fit for beautiful little Esther.
Tall, handsome, quick to smile, gentle, intelligent, an animal lover, and a man of God. Now, if I'm being honest I have to tell you that I don't know Jacob very well. HOWEVER -- what I do know is, in the years that I've known Esther, I've never seen her happier.

Esther and Jacob, it is easy to see that the love you have for each other is deep and lasting. I hope that you are blessed with a lifetime of joy with each other. Thank you for inviting us to be a part of your story.

p.s. Their wedding day was amazing... Stay tuned.










 They seem so absolutely content with each other.  














I love me some cowboy boots.








Is this girl a knockout or what?



























To be continued.......

I am so excited to be back to blogging, and having this session as my first one of the year is icing on the cake!

I feel like I might over-use the line  "I loved this session because these people are so special to me."  But the interesting thing is, it's always true, and this session was no different.

The wonderful couple you are about to meet are Cody and Hannah, who, I'm proud to say, are members of my family.

Hannah is one of those rare people who has a way of looking at life with a joyful perspective. Her quick smile, contagious laugh, and obvious love for Cody are a wonderful thing to watch.

Cody has an easy going, laid back personality, as well as having the ability to be the life of the party. He quite obviously cares deeply for Hannah, and it is a pleasure to see the great joy he takes in loving her.

We had barely finished shooting their Engagement photos, which you see here, and their wedding was right on our heels!  We very much enjoyed shooting their day and and look forward to sharing it with you -- so stay tuned!

Cody and Hannah, never ever lose the laughter, love, and enthusiasm that you have for each other. The two of you are a blessing to watch and a joy to be around. Thank you for letting us capture the beginning of your love story.

















The laughter was constant. May it always be so.

























 Did I mention that Cody is a personal trainer? Ah, well now you know.










These two can bust some serious moves. I may or may not be a little jealous...  ;-)

Sometimes when you tell someone to strike a pose, they go nuts.













































 Told you she has gorgeous eyes.

How do ya like that title?

Hey Guys!
I'd like to introduce you to my beautiful little sister Treona. I had the opportunity to do her Senior photos. Can I just say that it makes me feel old that my baby sister is almost a graduate?

There are many things I could tell you about Treona... things like: she will have a legitimate panic attack if she ever needs eyedrops in her eyes, she can (and WILL) scream louder than any other human being on the planet if she is on a roller coaster, or that she is quite possibly the strongest short person that I know. But -- what I really want you to know about her, is that she is a wonderful friend, a caring, compassionate person, and can light up a room with her smile.  I love that she is a part of our family, and have to say she's a pretty great little sister.

Treona, you make me laugh. I love you!





Told you she has a great smile...





















Tree at her cool/goofy finest.   :-P

Kids at weddings are the best.  She really looks skeptical about the whole marriage thing...  :-)

































Can we just take a moment and admire this 
bride's creativity?




















It's not every wedding that has a string quartet built into their bridal party!
















I did mention that she made all the bouquets too... right?































 Totally impressed by the height these guys achieved.
 This photo was Heidi's request. So sweet.





























 And I believe they mean it...

 

This post is a very exciting one for me for a couple of reasons.

First -- the lead singer of the band is my own brother - Travis.  He's got serious talent and lots of it, the little genius.

Second -- the other two guys have their own ridiculous amount of talent, they're longtime family friends, and overall great guys.

Third -- These guys have recently formed what you now see before you: Sidecar Ministry. Their mission, (and I quote) states:  "Like a sidecar supports and expands a motorbike, our mission is to come alongside, support, and expand worship and technical arts in the church."
You should definitely check them out on facebook, or visit their website for more info: http://sidecarministry.com

Fourth -- this was a fun new challenge for me... shooting with stage lighting and smoke. It's a far cry from the wedding dresses and horses at liberty that I'm used to - but I loved it!

Best for last -- Dana was with me on this one, and got a LOT of great shots... you'll see.

So, for now, I'm done rambling and I'll let you get to the pictures. Thanks for stopping by!!

Oh! Did I mention that they were opening for Stryper? That's right folks. They're that good.

It appears that life isn't going to slow down anytime soon, and that I'm just going to have to figure out how to fit blogging in with the rest of my schedule!

I hope to have several shoots up over the next couple of weeks, so here is the first of the lot!


It was, as it always is, an honor to be asked to be a part of someone's wedding day. But this particular wedding was a great joy to shoot. For one, I got to have my handsome husband by my side as the second shooter, and as usual -- he got some amazing shots!

I have not known Nathan and Naomi for long, but the reality is -- I didn't need to know them for more than three minutes in order to see what a deep love they have for each other. They are one of those couples who automatically make you smile when you see them together, because they are so sweet and incredibly happy with each other. It was a pleasure to witness the joy and excitement they held for their wedding day.

They were surrounded by lots (and LOTS!) of family, who were all very supportive and just as excited for their big day as Nathan and Naomi were. 

Thank you for letting us be a part of your day!

P.S. I have to note... it was extra super duper special to get to photograph their first kiss! sniff... :-D


I'll call this group :  The Farmer Takes a Wife.

February brought a few fun assignments, one of which was partnering with a local bridal shop and a good friend of mine who sells Mary Kay, to create a package deal for this year's brides.  (More on that later!)

The best part was that I got to spend the day playing dress up with two good friends who happen to be beautiful, AND super fun -- a photographer's favorite combination.  We also had the privilege of shooting in the Baraboo Elk's Lodge, which is a mansion that was owned by Al Ringling of Ringling Brother's Barnum and Bailey Circus. It was beautiful!

The following are some of the shots we got using several different dresses from the bridal shop.

Hello again! I am SOO far behind on my blogging, that I'm probably going to have to re-learn how to do it!  But I have had a wonderful winter thus-far with several photo opportunities that I am planning on sharing over the next few weeks. (I'd like to say "days" but let's be honest... I'm not that quick.)

One of the greatest things that happened is -- I was blessed with a wonderful husband who gave me a BEAUTIFUL 85mm 1.4 lens for my birthday!  It has shed a whole new light (Literally!) on the way that I take photos, and has challenged me to change the way I look at things.  Here's to learning new things!

The following shoot was from a cold evening in February where I had the fun opportunity to photograph my Dad, playing a gig in a local cafe with some good friends of ours, B. Andrews.  My dad is an amazing musician (you should check out his album 'Unrestrained'!) and it was great to see him getting the chance to play again.   B.Andrews is a family band with a heart for the Lord, and they play with energy and an encouraging attitude that lifts your spirits.  So with no further adeu -- the photos!





























































p.s. This was the first time that I was able to use the 85mm indoors. I loved the results, and am looking forward to getting more practice.