You know the story...

Handsome Boy meets Beautiful Girl.

Beautiful Girl plays hard to get.

Handsome Boy fights to win Beautiful Girl's affection.

Girl decides she loves Handsome Boy.

They finally share a long awaited, romantic, perfect kiss.

Handsome Boy and Beautiful Girl have a Glamorous wedding.

And they live happily ever after.

The End.

Sounds too good to be true?  Well... that's because it is. 

Valentines day has come and gone, and all we are left with now is discount pink and red wrapped candy, opened cards, and wilting flowers.  Let it not be said, that I am against a holiday to celebrate the most important thing in life -- however, it does make me think about just how skewed our interpretation of love and marriage is.

I enjoy a good romantic comedy, or Disney fairytale as much as the rest... but the reality is... it's not reality.  Hollywood would love us to believe that every story has a happy ending, and that every problem has a neatly wrapped solution; every Princess has perfect hair, and somewhere out there her Prince Charming is falling all over himself to get to her.  Now, unless I'm missing something... the severe lack of forrest creatures that have showed up to help me with my housework seems like it might be a tip off that something in the Hollywood scenario is askew.

There are a few things, that happen behind the scenes that i have found to be more true than the 'perfect' that is portrayed on the silver screen. So I thought I'd share my thoughts on the '5 things Hollywood never told you about love and marriage':

1.  Marriage is HARD. Like, climbing Mount Everest in flip flops with a backpack full of angry monkeys hard. The days that it feels like a fairy tale are so few and far between, that you will be tested to see what you're made of. Are you going to quit when the going gets rough, or can you dig your heels in and fight for it?  When you've had the same argument umpteen times, and still can't resolve it, are you going to give up?  Can you deal with a less than perfect house? Are you going to be hostile when there isn't enough money? Are you going to be okay when you've gone 37 days without your husband telling you he thinks you're pretty? 

2.  Marriage is not 50%-50%. That's pretty much the BIGGEST. LIE. EVER.  It can never be less than each person giving 100%-100%.  You must be willing to give of yourself at all times, for any reason, whether you want to or not. You cannot wait for the other person to 'meet your needs' or serve you. You must always be willing to get your hands dirty, and be there for the other person. Period. You have to be all in.

3.  Marriage is Messy. You can take that any way you want it... but to me, it means many things: It means holding your partner's hair as you're pulled over on the side of the road and they are bent over with the flu. (Extreme example, but hey, I can be a witness on this one!)  It means being willing to deal with (sometimes HUGE) personality flaws or sins, without giving up or holding it against them.  It means commitment every day -- even on moving day when everyone is tired, dirty, and cranky from moving boxes. It may mean sitting in a hospital room waiting for test results. It means that you stand by someone when they are the worst version of themselves after a parent or friend dies, or when they lose their job. 

4.  Marriage is Risky. I'm not going to lie -- it can be terrifying. So much can go wrong -- You could lose them. They might hurt you. You might get insulted. You will get offended. You could lose a child, or financial stability, or your home. You will hurt when your partner hurts. You'll worry.  Loving someone means that a part of you has been given to another. You have to trust them with that piece of you... and guess what?  Like you, they are not perfect.  You will have days that you wonder what you signed up for, but... so will they.

5. Marriage is about CHANGE. (You should know I'm sitting here with my ears plugged because, I. HATE. CHANGE.)  Loving someone means that you will have to learn to adapt. You might have to get used to the toilet seat being up. You might have to get in the habit of picking up someone else's dirty laundry. You will have to learn to bite your tongue. You will have to learn ways of showing love when words aren't enough. You will have to learn to hear the meaning behind the words rather than focusing on the words themselves. You may have to give up things you enjoy, and lean to enjoy things you don't.  (I suppose sitting through an action movie or two is an okay trade for a Pride and Prejudice marathon.)

Now, I know that not all marriages are perfect. I know that horrible things like abuse and addiction often damage relationships and trust. And if you find yourself in that situation, I pray that you find peace, direction, and hope in knowing that even though the imperfect human you've chosen isn't able to love  you perfectly, God Himself does.

All of that said -- if you are willing to sign up for the adventure, marriage can be both the hardest and most rewarding thing you'll ever do.

If you ever get to the point of desperation or frustration with your chosen spouse... Take a minute to stop and remember - you made a promise to LOVE in all it's Hard, Messy, Risky, 100% committed, glory.  It might also help to remember that, if you're anything like me, you yourself are not always perfect -- or even enjoyable to be around, and the more you focus on your spouse's flaws, the less you are working on your own.

There is a quote that I've written over and over in my journals, and it challenges me in my relationship with my husband daily -- I'll leave you with that...

"Love is an action and Happiness is a choice. For better or worse."  

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres... Love never fails... And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1Corinthians 13:4-6,8,13