Dear Mom,

I have tried several times in the past week to sit down and come up with words that describe how much you mean to me... but words never seem adequate. Seriously. How are you supposed to tell the most kind, loving, gracious, forgiving, long-suffering, inspiring person that you know how great they are, and how much they mean to you??

Since I was clearly going to fail in that venture, I decided that instead -- I would write down a list of some of the most important lessons that I've ever learned from you. Because after all, it's long been established that without your guiding hand, I would not be a nice--much less a socially acceptable--person. So here, for your enjoyment, is a small sampling of how your wisdom has impacted me:

1.When walking down isles of dishes or glassware in a store: Resist the urge to pick one of them up and smash it to the floor. Apparently that is wrong. Also, it creates a mess, and SOMEONE is going to have to clean that mess up.

2. When people make you  mad, kicking them in the shins is, I guess, not an appropriate response. (Potentially effective, but not appropriate.)

3. When you find 'abandoned' baby raccoons, it's probably not necessary to bring them home to try to care for and keep them as pets. After all, they bite, and might carry disease(s)... or so you said. The same goes for rabbits, snapping turtles, gophers, feral cats, ducks, and so on. (Or so you said...)

4. When playing out in a field, it might be beneficial to verify whether the mud you are playing in is, in fact, mud, and not manure. Because... well, that's gross.

5. When your brother teases you, pulling his arm or leg hair will probably not accomplish anything. (Though I still argue that it's extremely satisfying.) P.S. My husband has no idea how thankful he should be that you taught me this lesson.

6. No matter how 'uncool' it is, a helmet trumps a cowboy hat = Every. Time.  ... I'm still alive because of this particular lesson, so I suppose I should say thank you. SUBNOTE: It's also okay to sell the one horse you ever met that hated your guts. (I may also be alive because of this lesson.)

7. It's okay not to wear heels to an important event -- Especially when your lack of coordination in combination with those heels pose a risk to your ability to stay on your feet and off your face. Though you would also say that Cowboy boots are not always an acceptable substitution... a lesson I'm still not sure I can get behind.

8. Most importantly, when you find old oranges and lemons in your neighbor's (who may or may not be a drug dealer) back yard -- you do NOT -- under ANY circumstances play Little House on the Prairie and eat them with your friends!! Ever. 

Then there's the usual:

Stop, Drop, and Roll (Thankfully I've never had to use this one... yet.)

Look both ways before crossing the street (Apparently it's the BEFORE that is the important part of that sentence.)

Don't run with scissors (Bad things will happen - I should have listened.)

Don't take candy from strangers (I assume this ties in with number 8?)

And SOOOOO many more.

Thank you Mom for always being there. For loving me when I didn't deserve it. For always being my biggest fan. For saying NO, a lot. And for giving me an example of what I should aspire to as a wife, woman, and human being. You are my hero. 

I LOVE YOU.

~Logan